The Scary Thought of Fear

Everyone has experienced fear in some way, but the way in which we experience fear is unique to each person. My fears might be trivial compared to your fears. That doesn't mean, however, that what I fear doesn't matter. Fear can be a good thing and a bad thing. Now, I know what you're thinking, "How can fear possibly be a good thing?" I think it can be a good thing to tell people about your fears so they can help you get over the fears. It can be hard for some people to say out loud what they fear. I think the first step in overcoming a fear is admitting you have that fear.

Here are some things that I fear:

1. Losing people I care about
I fear losing people that I love and care about. I have lost some loved ones in my life and it is not an easy thing to go through, however, the reality of this is that it's a part of life and it is inevitable. We can't stay here on this earth forever. This is not our home!

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2. The unknown of the future
I fear the unknown of the future. I have mentioned this fear in a previous post but I don't like that I don't know what the future holds for me. I don't know what my life is going to be like a year from now (or even a month from now) and that kind of scares me. In my post, I Don't Know What I'm Doing!, I talked about how I am giving this fear to God and letting him be in control of my future.

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3. Ending up alone 
I fear ending up alone. I really shouldn't have this fear yet because I am only 18 years old and I have my whole life ahead of me. I have no reason to fear this but it is just a scary thought in the back of my head. I like to be alone sometimes but I don't want to live my elderly years alone. I believe that no one should have to grow old alone and I certainly don't want to.

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All of these fears have something in common with each other: I can't control the outcome. I can't control how long people stay on earth, the future, or if I will end up alone or not. That is a little scary but I know that God is in control and fear is not. We can't let fear be the thing that controls our life. I also know that He won't put me through anything that I won't be able to deal with.

While it's a good thing to know what you fear and communicate it to others, I think we shouldn't dwell on what we are afraid of. We can't let Satan take over and possibly ruin our lives because we fear something. You can't let fear cause you to give up on something. If I think one of my fears is causing too much stress and anxiety in my life, I give that worry to God and I pray that He will take care of my worries,

What are your fears?

Much Love,

Angela Paige

A Letter to My Younger Self

Dear my younger self,

Your whole time in high school is going to be one heck of a roller coaster ride. You will have some extreme highs and some extreme lows. Things change, people change and plans change, so don't focus too much on how you expect things to be. Don't expect too much from people because they might let you down.

You're going to experience heartbreak. It will feel like it's going to be the end of the world. But here's the good news, you WILL get over him! He will soon be out of your life and you will have no way of contacting him whatsoever, which is a good thing. Believe me! That jerk is not worth your time or your tears. You can't control other people's feelings and ambitions. So don't worry about him.

Take life one day at a time. You will feel overwhelmed when thinking about what to major in and where to go to college. Spoiler alert: you end up going to a great school and meeting some great people. However, you will still be unsure about what you want your career to be, so quit worrying about it because you don't have to worry just yet.

The summer before you go off to college you will experience the most amazing mission trip to Jamaica. You will learn a lot about yourself and definitely grow spiritually. You will be nervous at first because you won't have any family with you, and you will be challenged physically, emotionally and spiritually. You will do things- like chop bamboo with a machete- that you would have never thought you would do. It will be quite the journey for you, so get ready for it!

You will lose a dear friend who is now with the Lord. You will question why God did this to her because she was the definition of good. When she is in the hospital, you will tell your mom that you would still be her friend no matter the outcome. You will grieve very much from her death. And the truth is, I don't think you will ever get over this struggle, but you will be okay. You and Mrs. Dally will visit her every year on her birthday and bring along a bouquet of flowers.

The friends that you make freshman year are different than the ones you have now. You will realize who your true friends are by the time you are starting college. Some people you become friends with won't be good influences for you. Stay away from them. There will be better friends in the future.

You will face all sorts of troubles, but the good thing is that God IS present in your life. God is on your side. There might be times where that's hard to believe but BELIEVE ME! He has an amazing plan for you. When your life gets hard, just know that it WILL get better.

Much Love,

Angela Paige

I Am So Vulnerable

I admit it, sometimes I am so set in my own ways that I overlook what God is telling me to do. That NEEDS to change. I need to make God my first priority, to make more time to talk to Him everyday. I am going to start now!

I went to the Quiet Place in the Biblical Studies Building a week ago. This is a place where you can come to do homework, study or to pray and seek God. Each room has a journal or two where you can write down prayers. I don't really know my reason for coming in here but as soon as I started reading some of the prayers, I realized I, too, was having some of the same struggles as my classmates.

Tears formed in my eyes and I had no idea why. I felt so overwhelmed with His LOVE. I am so vulnerable. It's okay to be vulnerable sometimes. I get emotional when worshiping and I feel the Holy Spirit every time. However, I have some confessions to make.

Dear God,

I cannot remember the last time I just sat down and talked to you. In my busy life at college, I have not put You first and that is NOT okay. I want to change that. I think the reason that I feel overwhelmed with school is because I don't spend enough time with You, God. Afterall, this is not my home.

In chapel a few days ago, the lead singer talked about how You spoke through him. The speaker spoke about how there are people in the audience that are wanting more alone time with God. I thought this was amazing how You, God, spoke through him to me and probably other people in the audience as well.

I don't know what I want to do with my life but I know that you brought me here for a specific reason. You have a plan for me. If You reveal to me Your plan, I will follow. I need to take my faith and You more seriously.

I need your guidance Lord.

Much Love,

Angela Paige